[box_info]This poem is about my deceased aunt.[/box_info]
She believed in God
her angels sang a melody
of the heart, spoke to her
lit her up, like a candle
darkness it is she swallowed.
Choking on her tears,
as she endured the blows
for her father was addicted
to the drink of his own sorrows. May he rest in ashes.
He’d beat her in the head
because it’d not leave a mark
for the police to photograph.
This is a child, trusting
craving a father.
“Maybe it was the military?”
she’d ponder. This is my blood.
She died alone, unmarried
always wanted children,
but got a divorce instead.
Her husband incapable
could not produce offspring.
Maybe she’d be alive today,
if only a child was born. Something to live for.
dang. what a mournful tale…beat and probably feeling left out of life in many ways, unable to ever rear a child…its a wonder she feels she is good for anything…and that is very sad to me…
She busted her ass, worked hard, had wealth, but the one thing she wanted more than anything was a child. Indeed she felt left out, and many times wanted to kill herself. I read her letters about what her father did to her, and they were heartbreaking. He also beat my mother in the head. He’d beat ’em in the head because it’d not be that noticeable if the police were called, so he thought.
Your description is very vivid but perhaps a bit too literal in telling what she went through in such a matter of fact way. Perhaps some use of metaphors to really let the reader feel her life. >KB
Thank you for your criticism. I shall take it to heart. There are more pieces to come about her life. I have so much more to say. I’m comfortable with how this one turned out.
wow… a really nice capture of a lot of difficult things.
Thank you Todd. Her life was very difficult, she’s now resting in peace with her angels. ♥
Powerful and heartbreaking. You captured it well. Sorry.
Thank you Ayala. ♥
I don’t think you need metaphors to improve this write. It’s what it is and heartfelt. Valuable just the way it is…A sad, and piece written with anger and love. I felt it. I’ll remember it.
Thank you Jackie. That’s exactly what I was thinking. Glad you felt it. ♥